Being single.

At my age, most people have someone they want to spend the rest of their life with.  Whether it be socialtal influence or just raw human nature, we all want to find the perfect mate to fill what seems to be a void in our lives.  That Jerry McGuire line, "You complete me", is so cheezy, yet, there's an awful lot of truth behind it.  Some of us drop that fake smile and say, "I'm fine.  I don't need anyone in my life."  Deep down, we know we're lying to ourselves, but we don't want it to show.  We keep convincing ourselves that we're strong and can make it through life alone....  Alone....  Loneliness.  In all honesty, no one wants to be alone.  No one wants to come home day after day to an empty house filled with "toys" to keep us temporarily entertained hoping to fill that void of loneliness.  Most days, it can be subdued or temporarily contained.  Some of us have kids; others, pets.  We think the love to and from them can fill that gaping hole that resides in our heart.  On those "most days", the hole is plugged or forgotten about.  But ocassionaly, there's a day where nothing seems to satiate the seemingly endless void.  You try and try but nothing compares to that small moment of true happiness that comes from the gentle affection and loving care from another.

Today is one of those days.  It didn't catch my attention until I finally sobered up a bit this morning, but I was the only guy last night that didn't have someone to go home to.  Jokingly, I was proud of the fact that I could do anything and not have to answer to anyone for my actions.  However, it's not like we're a crazy bunch to begin with so, doing anything lude or seriously wrong wasn't going to happen.

Publicly, I've only jokingly admited to the comment that my last girlfriend screwed me up.  Honestly, it's more and more seeming true.  My social interation skills are laking, but I catch myself not even trying to make them better.  I'm eyeing the hot chick that walks by wondering what she's like, but I never build up the nerve to go talk to her and find out.  Subconciously, I think I've decided that lonliness is less painful than the emotional destruction of a relationship gone wrong.  There's something just wrong about that.  Life is nothing but chances and decisions.  We're not going to know if a choice we made is a bad one until we take the chance to make that choice.  Question is, do we take the chance or just avoid it and miss out all together?  There's this poster on my wall I've had since I was a kid.  It says, "We take these risks not to escape life, but to prevent life from escaping us."  It's been sort of a philosophy of mine ever since.  Sad thing is, I haven't applied it to my "love" life in quite a while.  I've just been avoiding taking the chance because I don't want to ever hurt like that again.  Physical pain is easy to deal with.  The wounds heal, sometimes with a scar, but most times there's no reminder you were ever even pained.  Emotional hurt is another story.  Sometimes the lacerations can never be repaired.  All you can do is slap a band-aid on it and hope for the best.  Maybe one day this incomplete void of mine will be filled by someone who will complete me.  Maybe there is no completion (I'm a little complicated like that), and I'm destined to never meet that perfect someone.  Or maybe I already have and missed my chance.  Either way, life goes on.  We should enjoy each day for what it is and not worry about what we have and don't have.

What a sappy blog.  K, I'm done being a puss.  However, I still feel like ass (be it emotional or just the remainder of the hangover).  Also, I can't seem to get rid of this feeling that a cat shit in my mouth, so I'm going to brush my teeth... again.

 

l8rs.