No more galavanting about (for a while).

If it's not late nites on IM, tv schedules to keep, or work, I'm pretty much sleeping these days.  The crispness in the air has once again returned for another season.  Time once again to forego the hoppy frosty beers for a bottle of Cab, various cheeses, and seasoned steaks (altho, I need to head back down to Panama City and get some more seasoning).  I really don't care much for winter.  Unless there's packed powder on the ground and a board on my feet, I don't want any temp less than 70 degrees.  I couldn't hold back any more after the nipply freezing +10 temps this past weekend.  I had to turn the heater on.  I'm sitting here in my leather jacket and sweats at the moment just because I'm so damned cheap that I won't turn the temp up above 70 just yet.

K, nuff of the frigid talk, it's making me cold.  I'm going to have to go make a cup of coffee.  Point being in all this complaining, I don't like the cold, and rarely do I leave the apartment short of trips to the grocery store and work.  My summer is gone.  No more trips out to bartown; no more evening strolls in the humid night.  Just me, my laptop, my 360, and Blockbuster Online.  After this weekend that is.

Speaking of, I am sooo freakin frustrated.  Halloween weekend, Tech Homecoming, my old habitual Ga vs. Fla., and this freakin wedding.  My weekend is shot.  Can't relax Fri cause of all the rehearsal craziness, which starts almost immediately after I get off work.  Sat afternoon, I can't go to the Tech game cause of pictures.  Sat nite, can't watch the Ga game cause of the wedding and reception.  But I'll be dammed if I'm missing out on my friend's Halloween party, tho.  Once the cake cutting and toast is done, I'm slipping out.  I'll be conviently over-sleeping on Sun so I miss the brunch, too.  I don't care if it is "their" weekend.  It should not have this much to do with me.  Has anyone else ever recieived 6 different invitations to various parts of a wedding?  See?  Ridiculous....  And this is why I dread getting married.  All the over-hyped hoopla.  Stick to the basic principal: K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stuipd, for those of you who haven't heard that one yet).

Now that I have 3 or 4 veins popping out of my forehead and an annoying twitch in my right eye, I'm going to watch some TV and relax.  Worse case scenario, Master Chief and I may be popping a cap in some soon to be married couples.  ...It's all about therapy.  ;)

 

l8rs.

Being single.

At my age, most people have someone they want to spend the rest of their life with.  Whether it be socialtal influence or just raw human nature, we all want to find the perfect mate to fill what seems to be a void in our lives.  That Jerry McGuire line, "You complete me", is so cheezy, yet, there's an awful lot of truth behind it.  Some of us drop that fake smile and say, "I'm fine.  I don't need anyone in my life."  Deep down, we know we're lying to ourselves, but we don't want it to show.  We keep convincing ourselves that we're strong and can make it through life alone....  Alone....  Loneliness.  In all honesty, no one wants to be alone.  No one wants to come home day after day to an empty house filled with "toys" to keep us temporarily entertained hoping to fill that void of loneliness.  Most days, it can be subdued or temporarily contained.  Some of us have kids; others, pets.  We think the love to and from them can fill that gaping hole that resides in our heart.  On those "most days", the hole is plugged or forgotten about.  But ocassionaly, there's a day where nothing seems to satiate the seemingly endless void.  You try and try but nothing compares to that small moment of true happiness that comes from the gentle affection and loving care from another.

Today is one of those days.  It didn't catch my attention until I finally sobered up a bit this morning, but I was the only guy last night that didn't have someone to go home to.  Jokingly, I was proud of the fact that I could do anything and not have to answer to anyone for my actions.  However, it's not like we're a crazy bunch to begin with so, doing anything lude or seriously wrong wasn't going to happen.

Publicly, I've only jokingly admited to the comment that my last girlfriend screwed me up.  Honestly, it's more and more seeming true.  My social interation skills are laking, but I catch myself not even trying to make them better.  I'm eyeing the hot chick that walks by wondering what she's like, but I never build up the nerve to go talk to her and find out.  Subconciously, I think I've decided that lonliness is less painful than the emotional destruction of a relationship gone wrong.  There's something just wrong about that.  Life is nothing but chances and decisions.  We're not going to know if a choice we made is a bad one until we take the chance to make that choice.  Question is, do we take the chance or just avoid it and miss out all together?  There's this poster on my wall I've had since I was a kid.  It says, "We take these risks not to escape life, but to prevent life from escaping us."  It's been sort of a philosophy of mine ever since.  Sad thing is, I haven't applied it to my "love" life in quite a while.  I've just been avoiding taking the chance because I don't want to ever hurt like that again.  Physical pain is easy to deal with.  The wounds heal, sometimes with a scar, but most times there's no reminder you were ever even pained.  Emotional hurt is another story.  Sometimes the lacerations can never be repaired.  All you can do is slap a band-aid on it and hope for the best.  Maybe one day this incomplete void of mine will be filled by someone who will complete me.  Maybe there is no completion (I'm a little complicated like that), and I'm destined to never meet that perfect someone.  Or maybe I already have and missed my chance.  Either way, life goes on.  We should enjoy each day for what it is and not worry about what we have and don't have.

What a sappy blog.  K, I'm done being a puss.  However, I still feel like ass (be it emotional or just the remainder of the hangover).  Also, I can't seem to get rid of this feeling that a cat shit in my mouth, so I'm going to brush my teeth... again.

 

l8rs.

I think I'm still drunk.

No, really; I probably am.  I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.  Party went well.  As everybody knows, what goes on at a Bachelor Party stays with the guys that went.  ;)  Not like we did anything really crazy that could get the bride-to-be all pissed off, but that's besides the point.

Either, way.  I'm going to try to function and make some coffee, then probably go back to bed.  With the rain earlier this AM, today's a good day to recover.

 

l8rs.

Ignorance of society.

I always seem to forget how ignorant some of the dipshits working behind the counter at gas stations can be.  This disappointingly reminds me about how lazy and unwilling to try our society is these days.  I could have swore that I very plainly and cleary asked for 3 packs of Camel Ultra Lights.  Now, it may be my overall exhaustion (due to my refusal to submit to a decent sleeping schedule lately), but I shouldn't have to pay attention to what he places on the counter.  I run my debit card thru the little reader (this thing was slow responding to button pushes, btw) and look up to get my receipt from the guy.  As I go to leave and grab the packs, what has he given me?  Malboro.  Now, any smoker will tell you, we are very finiky when it comes to our cigs.  Of course, it's too late to tell him this is the wrong thing (and I'm in no mood to argue with the guy) because the price is usually different between Camels and Malboros.  So, now I'm stuck for the next week and a half (since I'm not smoking anywhere near as much) tolerating the horrid stench that is Malboro (I really don't like the way those things smell).  At least they were Ultra Lights.

It's just so sad that you can't trust anyone to just do their jobs, anymore.  If you don't make sure they do it right, it doesn't happen.  ergh...

BTW, I did manage to get some drawings done the other night.

 

l8rs.

(only 3 more weeks till Gears of War!)

Inspiration gone.

Reinstalling a secondary laptop with Ubuntu.  In the process, the art table is cleared of unrelated clutter.  I find it sitting there.  My empty sketchbook.  With the effort put into getting this thing and other drawing supplies so many months ago, you'd think it would be full of doodles and sketches by now.  There's probably no more than 3 decent drawings and a small handful of screw-ups.  Tonite, I sit, hoping for at least some sort of a creative spurt.  Nope.  This bites.  How am I going to produce an entire comic if I can't even do free sketches from time to time?  The deadline is drawing nearer and nearer.  I have the tools; I've invested in the namespace.  All I need now is the art.  There's just been too much effort put into worring about friends plans and too much misguided time placed on unrealistic ideas.  Time to get back to reality.  Time to work a more manageable schedule and spend time being creative again instead of pouring bitchings and rantings out through a keyboard.  The sabatical was much needed, and I'm pretty sure another one will be taken before the Thanksgiving break.  I even experienced by first corn maze.  Yes, as in you venture through a maze that was cut into a corn field.  If it wasn't daytime, I would have had some serious "Children of the Corn" slash "Pumpkin Head" nightmares.  ;)  At least I'm not claustraphobic.  It was still kinda neat.

Now the question begs, being an hour before midnight, do I pack it in and try to sleep like a normal human being; or, do I pop open the can of Coke in front of me and continue to try to doodle?

 

I'll let you know tomorrow.  l8rs.

Blogless.

Nope. No wit... no cynicism... nuttin'.

Just big OMG!! on Grey's Anatomy. And, WTF?! is up with Blockbuster Online? THEY ARE SOOOOO SLOW!! I've been waiting a week for my freakin DVD!

Also, I've been feeling like quite the little perv with some of my IM convos lately. **mischevious grin** Schweet... 3;)



l8rs.

Overcoming lackadaisical.

I've been in a sad state of laziness for the last month or so, and the apartment's starting to show.  I have dirty piles of laundry that have been in the floor for about 5 days now (I ran out of detergent).  The kitchen's a wreck (although I did finally clean out the sink a few hours ago).  There's dog hair and pine straw (it sticks to your shoes every time it rains here) all over the living room.  Clean laundry is still in the basket from last Friday.  Junk is collected everywhere (i.e., on the bar) instead of filed away where it's supposed to be.  I've avoided balancing my checkbook and paying bills since halfway through last month.  I just haven't felt like doing squat when I get home in the evenings.  I think it's mostly because I just want to come home after work and do nothing.  Every weekend for the last 3 weeks has been pretty much planned out for me.  Admittedly, some of it is things I've wanted to do, but still.  Guess it's just time to get off my patookus get this place cleaned up.  Dealing with the checkbook is the biggest priority.  I should probably get the clothes out of the floor since my friend is coming over for dinner and Nip Tuck tomorrow.  ;)  Yeah, this pile of shoes I'm staring at needs to go back in the closet, too.  I haven't spent any effort on the comic past what I did a few Sundays ago.  That can wait until after this wedding is over.  Damn, you'd think I was getting married.  I've never seen two people put so much pre-wedding into a wedding.  I'm soooo not having a big wedding, if that day ever comes.

Upside, I've got my game on, again.  :D  I bought SSX3 for $4 Friday.  And it works on the 360!  12 year old Griff is the man.  That kid can carve some serious powder (or at least he will be by the time I'm finished).  Why did I go into computers instead of skim boarding (the waves weren't big enough to surf in my hometown) or skiing (snow boarding was still young) or music like I dreamed when I was a kid?  I guess I still could if I wanted, but these sore, unused muscles don't heal as fast as they used to.  That and having the fat dog helps keep me grounded in the reality that you still have to pay rent and utilities.

OK, I'm going to attempt cleaning.  Besides, it'll keep me from thinking about smoking.

 

l8rs.

Cowboys and drunk "cow-girls".

As I go to Cowboys more and more, I'm having much more fun. I'm learning most of the line dances, so I spend more time on the floor instead of standing around looking like every other wallflower idiot. Only problem is I end up the target of drunk fat chicks. I'm going to appologize if this rant offends, but I just have to lay it out. Girls, there is a reason us guys drink.

I really don't understand what some girls are thinking when they put on the clothes they do. There are just some things that some women should NOT wear. Take this one, for example. Tight jeans and a mid-drift bustier. On some, this would be an awesome outfit. Howerver, on this particular one... let's just say she really needed to tuck some of those rolls back in her jeans. Ugh, it was just... wrong. Then there was this other. I hadn't been there maybe 30 minutes. I'm standing around on the edge of the floor, solemly drinking my beer, during a slow song trying to watch the end of the Tenn vs. UGA game, like a few others. Drunk-ass grabs me to dance. It's sad that I'm a nice guy, 'cause I let her. What's worse, I remember her. She's done this before (trust me; the "scary" ones always stick in your mind for some reason). Luckily, she found some other drunk schmuck to shmooz on for the rest of the evening. Oiu. Yet another reason I've lost interest in going to bars in my "old age". Don't get me wrong. There are cute ones a plenty. They're just there for the same reason I am: to dance. So, just a quick word of advice. Take a really good look in the mirror when you throw on that miniskirt and tub-top, and ask yourself, "Do I really look like the models in the advertisements for this ensemble?" If the answer is no, you probably shouldn't wear it to a non-skanky bar.

Either way, I still had a good time. And, it was much needed after the stressful GA Tech game today. If you didn't watch it, synopsis:

 4th quarter; Tech is up by 3.  Maryland ends up on the Tech 2 yard
 line with a minute some odd left.  Time out.  After the line up, Tech
 panics and calls their 3rd time out.  2nd down, Tech holds 'em.  
 Maryland time out  (their last).  3rd down, Tech sacks the QB for a 
 6 yard loss.  The crowd's going nutz and panicing at the same time.
 4th down, Maryland's in the shotgun; oh, schzit!  Tech pulls a double 
 blitz.  QB sack!  w00+!  30 seconds left.  Tech posession; they down 
 it, and game over.  Holy hell, what an ending.

Well, I don't need to sleep all day. I've got to head to Kroger to get more laundry detergent and get my Blockbuster rental back before noon, so I'm off to bed. I've a funny feeling I will be spending more Sat evenings at Cowboys. Guess I'm gonna end up being one of those "regulars" pretty soon. How sad.



l8rs.

Words of wisdom.

Wise man say, "Grasshopper no IM 'till 4am."

Heed that advice. I'm going to bed before I pass out in the floor.



l8rs.

Too much energy.

There's one thing that sucks about quitting smoking.  No, it's not the nic-fits.  ;p~  I have waaaayyy too much energy.  It can't be the caffine.  My intake hasn't changed, nor have my sleeping habits.  I never realized that smoking can mellow you out so much.  There was this doctor's daughter that I guarded with back in the days (no... nothing happened... I wasn't that lucky) that mentioned something about the methodical rhythmic breathing that it causes.  I'm thinking that's only part of it.  I moved to the smaller patch today, but yesterday and the day before, I was zoned out on the bigger patch.  Like I said yesterday, it was probably more nicotine than I was used to.  I've estimated that the big one lasts about 12 hours, but the initial contact causes my arm to go numb.  ;)  The smaller one only lasts about 8.  It is a much more controlled dose.  Funny thing is, they consider it step 3 of 3.  OK, I can't concentrate on this and Nip Tuck at the same time.

 

l8rs.

TV issues.

Well, that was a quick answer.  After keying my way through all the automated beeps and munber sequences, I get this nice little automated message (obviously, not quoted word for word):

"Yes, we know the service in your area is screwed up.  Our slack-ass techs are still sucking down corn dogs on their coffee break, but they may figure out what they broke to cause this sometime by the end of the week."

At least I figured out which channel is ESPN.  ;)  You don't ever realized how much you depend on that guide.  Who the hell can memorize 600 some odd channels, newayz.

So I'm not doin too bad on my non-smoking trip.  These patches don't work half bad, but they leave your arm raw as hell when you take them off (and itchy).  I forgot to take the one off last night.  Talk about some fscked up dreams.  Well, it is a warning on the box.  I didn't really crave one until my usual break time around 3 this afternoon.  It wasn't a nic-fit or anything.  These things pretty much loose their potency about now, so I'm craving another.  I've only had half of one (when I got home around 8).  I'm still debating going for the other half.  "But, ur not trying!  Don't give in!"  Screw off, compared to my 10 a day, I'm pretty damn proud of 1/2 in 2 days.  Now that I think of it, this explains why I've been so mellow all day.  I think this patch has more nicotine in it than I usually get.  Might should switch to the smaller one tomorrow.  ;)

OK, got some torrents to tend to, and Green Bay's actually beating McNabb and the Eagles, so I'm gonna watch.

 

l8rs. (for good this time)

Um...

...

Well, for once I really just don't have anything to rant about.  I'm sitting here watching "Heroes". 

Hmmm.

Wow.

I guess I'm just too mentally burnt out to really care about anything.  As usual, the comic is still not on schedule.  Maybe one day that will change, but that day is not today.  :p~  Of course, something does seem really odd.  My TV guide is all screwed up, and for some reason I can't find Monday Nite Football.  Has it moved from ABC to ESPN?  Yes, it has.  That's weird.  Also, I'm getting the TV Guide channel.  Oh, hell.  My digital's off.  What the hell....

Lemme go figure this out.

 

l8rs.

Social circalism...

I can 't think for shit right now.... nor can I type.  Beer is a wonderful thing.  ;)  An$5d I'm supposed to be ready to leave for a Falcons game by 11:30 tomorrow... eh... this morning.  Ah, hell.  BTW, I'm going to go ahead and appologize for misspellings as I'm a little loopy at the moment (between the hour and the amount I've had to drink tonight).  I can't exactly see straight.  I probably shouldn't have driven home, but like always, I'm always worse once I get home and start to relax.

So, I've decided I need to join some sort of social circle.  Problem is, I can't decide which kind.  I loved clubbing; problem is, dropping $40+ for cover charge and beer is not my idea of a fun investment anymore.  Call me old, but hell, that's more than a tank of gas.  Between Compound and Cowboys, I always have a good time.  Paying at least $10 to get in the door, then dropping ~$5 a beer is just plain stupid.  Getting a six pack for a few dollars more, and having my own party at home is more financially intelligent, in MHO.  'Specially considering I'm a broke IT admin.  Most of my debt is because of eating out and alcohol purchases from my college years.  Next, I love video games (just in case you haven't already figured that out), yet, I'm nowhere near a hardcore gamer (unlike what most of my friends like to think).  I just play for fun and therapy.  Then, there's sci-fi.  As I came to discover at DragonCon, I'm not into anything enough to be a fanatic.  This leaves me at a serious fork in the road. 

Becoming a regular at Cowboys is probably going to be my choice; however, there are some issues I have with that.  Take tonight for example.  I head over after leaving the wedding shower I attended (which turned out to be not as bad as I thought it was going to be).  I meet up with my sisiter's friend, but she's been up all day (whereas I finally slept in for the first time in a couple of weeks) and bolts out earlier than usual.   I decided to hang around for the next set of line dancing since I missed all the earlier "festivies" due to showing up later.  Cool thing is, she got me a free pass in, so no cover charge.  Schweet!  More money for beer (not like I really needed any more).  NEwayz, in my people watching, I started to wonder: why is it all the chicks that hit on you are the ones you really have no intrest in whatsoever?  Also, girls have it easy.  They can hit the dance floor and have a good time grooving to the music/rhythm.  A guy gets out there by himself, and he looks like a total putz.  That just blows and is so not fair.  From my standpoint, that 's what makes clubbing, as a guy, so hard.  You have to get a or some chicks to go with you.  You can't just show up by yourself.  I may be able to pull it off at Cowboys if I just get out there for the line dancing, but during the "booty music breaks", as my sister called it, I'm stuck to sitting on the sidelines drinking a beer and smoking a cig to pass the time if I don't have a dance partner.  So not fair.

Speaking of smoking, I've finished off my carton, so I'm gonna try quitting, once again.  Not because my parents told me I have to; not because my friends don't care much for cigarette smoke; but because I actually want to try.  Good thing I still have some of those patches left.  Tomorrow will be my first day without.  I have some cloves left, but I can probably pawn those off on my friend, Clue, who's hooking me up with the Falcon's tix.  I'll keep you posted on how it turns out.

As far as the comic.... yeah.  My "go live" date is now December.  Haven't dediced when, yet, but that'll come when I have all this other crap out of the way.

You know, thinking about this rant while I was sitting at Cowboys, and on the drive home, I wasn't expecting it to be this long.  Here it is 4:30a, and I've just been going to town.  Well, the alarm's gonna start going off at 9a, so, I'm gonna crash.

 

l8rs.